Did you know that we are natural-born storytellers? If you think about it, it makes sense. Stories are the building blocks of history. Passing down stories from generation to generation is also how we learned about our ancestors and their pasts. I always treasured sitting around my grandparents’ dinner table looking at old photographs and hearing my grandfather speak about his time in the military, his relationship with my grandmother, and my mother’s childhood. It helped me feel connected to my own history and gave me some insight into what things were like before I existed.
How is all of this relevant to therapy? Well, given that storytelling has been a part of human history and evolution for thousands of years, our minds have become extremely skilled at it. These stories can be general, overarching life themes (e.g., “I will be married by age 26 working a job I don’t hate and have three children within six years.”) or more specific and pointed (e.g., “I’m so clumsy that I always mess things up. I can’t be trusted.”).
A brief moment of reflection will likely produce familiar narratives that your mind has been telling yourself. Take a moment to ask yourself these questions:
What has your mind been telling you about yourself?
What labels has your mind used to describe your personality?
What expectations does your mind have for your future?
What unwritten rules has your mind developed about your life, humanity, or the world?
After a few moments, you might notice some familiar thoughts come to mind. You might notice that some of these stories are pleasant or hopeful. You’ll likely notice that some of these stories are self-critical and harsh. All of this is okay. The goal is to take some time to notice the story and label it for what it is, a fictional story. Just because we think it, does not make it fact.
Many of these stories have a history. They were created based on an experience we had, a message that was told to us, a difficult interaction, and so on. We’ve been telling ourselves these stories for so long that they often feel like fact. We get lost as the protagonist in the story and view the world from within the script. The problem with this is that we might get stuck in the storyline, which can limit us from experiencing different perspectives and new opportunities.
So, the next time you notice a familiar script playing out in your mind, make space for it. Notice what this particular narrative is saying and acknowledge it. See if you can look at the story from the outside in rather than the inside out. This simple act of noticing and zooming out from the storyline can give you the power to try something new, play around with the wording, acknowledge that this might be fiction and not fact, or maybe even change what happens next.
