Procrastination or Learned Helplessness?
Many neurodivergent clients come into therapy asking for help with procrastination. I often hear that it’s difficult to get started, harness the motivation, or tap into the interest or desire needed to initiate the task.
Meanwhile, these clients often have a long history of being scolded and told not to procrastinate, stop being lazy, and to just start earlier. The main message they’ve received is, “It’s not that hard.” and they often internalize it as, “My brain is defective.”
However, if we take a deeper dive into procrastination, there are many underlying factors that make it difficult to initiate a task. Note: not one of them is a defective brain. Also note: a common one is learned helplessness.
Learned helplessness is often experienced by ADHDers and Autistic folks. Successfully completing a neurotypically-designed task to neurotypical standards with a neurodivergent brain is tough. It’s like trying to fit square peg in a round hole. Maybe it can be done, but it takes a lot of effort and may not look quite right from an outsider’s perspective.
The result is this: the ADHDer or Autistic person is told that they aren’t doing it right. They aren’t sitting still enough. They are being too careless. They need to be more organized. They need to make more eye contact. They are hard to follow in conversation.
Hearing these messages on repeat despite the energy they put into fitting into that round hole causes them to feel powerless and incompetent. The result? Learned helplessness.
Learned helplessness is really a protective mechanism. The goal is to protect us from experiencing failure, so we begin avoiding tasks that are difficult in order to avoid confronting our perceived incompetence. This avoidance looks like procrastination, which is typically viewed as a negative thing, and only reinforces the learned helplessness.
How do we combat learned helplessness? First step is awareness. Recognizing and labeling learned helplessness for what it is can empower the individual to consider the context (neurodivergent living in neurotypical world) and remind themselves that they aren’t defective; other peoples’ standards weren’t created with their neurotype in mind. Then, some concrete steps to take include:
Examine your expectations. Notice if you have internalized neurotypical norms and standards. The likelihood is that you have. Most of us have. If that is the case, reflect on what norms and standards feel like they may be out of your skillset. Practice self-compassion by reassuring yourself that this does not mean you are defective, reminding yourself that many other people also struggle with neurotypical norms, and identifying what supports and/or accommodations you might need to perform to your potential.
Express your expectations to others. Speaking up can be difficult but sharing your style, habits, or approach may help others recognize that although your process may be different, it’s not inferior.
Set short, achievable goals. If we rewrite our goals and develop small ones (e.g., get materials needed out on desk, open up a Word document, write heading, write thesis statement), we can increase the number of accomplishments, reverse the narrative of learned helplessness, and boost motivation.
Make the goal relevant. ADHDers and Autistic folks are better able to start, focus on, and finish a task of interest. Look at your goal and determine if there is any way to make it feel more relevant or interesting to you. Don’t be afraid to put your own spunky twist on a task!